As I have grown into the person I am today one of the things my heart has been committed to is trying to always do what is right and what is kind, which isn't always the easiest most enjoyable route. Especially when you have my parents who are good to the core. My Father often refers to my Mother as Mother Teresa 2. While he is being a bit cheeky when he says this, there is much truth to his loving nickname for my Mom.
When I think of my Mother I think of the following quote from Mother Teresa, the original:
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” ― Mother Teresa
Until this week the words were just that, words said by a tremendously great woman. In the same way my Mother lives her life always seemed aspirational but not real. How can anyone live their life and truly care about each person they encounter? To me both seemed lofty, dreamy, and beautiful but virtually impossible to live.
I have always been hesitant to get involved at our girls school. The school is an ELS Lutheran school and I am a devout Roman Catholic. It is connected directly with the church their mother still attends and I have always felt it would make the girls, their mother, and honestly, myself, feel very uncomfortable if I were to get involved. For these and many other reasons the idea of actively involving myself in the girls school would present more problems than answers, so I kept to myself and contributed from afar.
This year our Lovely Lindsey Lu started 3rd grade. She loves to go to school, to be engaged in learning, to see her friends, and to do well. Her class needed volunteers to help with their literature hour. She asked my husband if he would volunteer to help and given his schedule at work it is almost impossible. He did direct her to ask me. When you have those beautiful blue eyes looking up at you, wanting so badly for you to say "YES", how can you say no? So I said yes.
The first Friday I volunteered Lindsey Lu was so happy to see me it brought tears to my eyes. She was excited to have one of her people there. I forget how much it means to kids when their parents take the time to volunteer and get involved. At the end of the hour I spent helping the class work through their reading books Lindsey gave me the biggest hug. It was the kind of hug that communicates how much a child loves you without using a single word. It was the kind of hug a parent never forgets. It is the kind of hug memories are made of. After the session I met the other mom who had volunteered with me for coffee so we could work out a schedule. We shared normal chit chat and funny stories, but one thing she said will stick with me forever. She said "the thing I really liked about you when I first met you was that you didn't speak badly about the girls mother when it would be so easy to do". It was the first time I recognized myself as living the words of Mother Teresa "If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway".
The following week I sent out our annual "Summer Fun" cards to our family. It is a greeting card, just like a Christmas card, filled with photos of our kids having fun at the lake and enjoying the warm weather and sunshine. Whenever I send out cards I always send a card to the girls Mother, to their maternal Grandparents, and to their Aunt and Uncle. I used to imagine they got tossed out or were more of a nuisance than a welcome piece of mail, but I kept sending them out because the idea behind them is to keep family updated on the kids. And since the girls Mother, her parents and siblings are part of their family, they all make the mailing list.
I went to the mailbox on Wednesday and much to my surprise there was a card from the girls maternal Grandmother. As I walked to the house terrible thoughts ran through my head. Was she going to be asking me to stop sending them mail. Was going to she tell me to back off and quit being such a goody two shoes? Was she going to give me a piece of her mind? All made me feel sick to my stomach. My heart sank. What had been done with the best of intentions was perhaps not received as such.As I opened the envelope my heart was racing. I was surprised to read such a loving message. She was ever so appreciative for the cards and pictures we had sent. My heart smiled and my soul rejoiced. This card, this little piece of paper with black ink on it, spoke more to my spirit than to my head. It reminded me that choosing to look beyond being a step-parent and just being a parent was the right choice. And while it wasn't easy to get my head and heart around the idea of the girls maternal family being part of our family. In receiving this card from my husband's ex-wife's mother I realized that I was living the dream of emulating my Mother's kind heart through the instructive words of Mother Teresa, "The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway". It finally became clear to me that accepting their place in our family was not only the right thing to do, but it was possible to be kind without recognition or reward.
Doing what is right and being kind is a conscious choice we make. It is often easier to be mean. To tease someone. To use our jealousy or anger to justify speaking badly about others. To ignore the parts we wish would go away. It is in choosing to do what is right and what is kind, even if it isn't the easier route, that I am truly becoming my parents.
When I think of my Mother I think of the following quote from Mother Teresa, the original:
“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.” ― Mother Teresa
Until this week the words were just that, words said by a tremendously great woman. In the same way my Mother lives her life always seemed aspirational but not real. How can anyone live their life and truly care about each person they encounter? To me both seemed lofty, dreamy, and beautiful but virtually impossible to live.
I have always been hesitant to get involved at our girls school. The school is an ELS Lutheran school and I am a devout Roman Catholic. It is connected directly with the church their mother still attends and I have always felt it would make the girls, their mother, and honestly, myself, feel very uncomfortable if I were to get involved. For these and many other reasons the idea of actively involving myself in the girls school would present more problems than answers, so I kept to myself and contributed from afar.
This year our Lovely Lindsey Lu started 3rd grade. She loves to go to school, to be engaged in learning, to see her friends, and to do well. Her class needed volunteers to help with their literature hour. She asked my husband if he would volunteer to help and given his schedule at work it is almost impossible. He did direct her to ask me. When you have those beautiful blue eyes looking up at you, wanting so badly for you to say "YES", how can you say no? So I said yes.
The first Friday I volunteered Lindsey Lu was so happy to see me it brought tears to my eyes. She was excited to have one of her people there. I forget how much it means to kids when their parents take the time to volunteer and get involved. At the end of the hour I spent helping the class work through their reading books Lindsey gave me the biggest hug. It was the kind of hug that communicates how much a child loves you without using a single word. It was the kind of hug a parent never forgets. It is the kind of hug memories are made of. After the session I met the other mom who had volunteered with me for coffee so we could work out a schedule. We shared normal chit chat and funny stories, but one thing she said will stick with me forever. She said "the thing I really liked about you when I first met you was that you didn't speak badly about the girls mother when it would be so easy to do". It was the first time I recognized myself as living the words of Mother Teresa "If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway".
The following week I sent out our annual "Summer Fun" cards to our family. It is a greeting card, just like a Christmas card, filled with photos of our kids having fun at the lake and enjoying the warm weather and sunshine. Whenever I send out cards I always send a card to the girls Mother, to their maternal Grandparents, and to their Aunt and Uncle. I used to imagine they got tossed out or were more of a nuisance than a welcome piece of mail, but I kept sending them out because the idea behind them is to keep family updated on the kids. And since the girls Mother, her parents and siblings are part of their family, they all make the mailing list.
I went to the mailbox on Wednesday and much to my surprise there was a card from the girls maternal Grandmother. As I walked to the house terrible thoughts ran through my head. Was she going to be asking me to stop sending them mail. Was going to she tell me to back off and quit being such a goody two shoes? Was she going to give me a piece of her mind? All made me feel sick to my stomach. My heart sank. What had been done with the best of intentions was perhaps not received as such.As I opened the envelope my heart was racing. I was surprised to read such a loving message. She was ever so appreciative for the cards and pictures we had sent. My heart smiled and my soul rejoiced. This card, this little piece of paper with black ink on it, spoke more to my spirit than to my head. It reminded me that choosing to look beyond being a step-parent and just being a parent was the right choice. And while it wasn't easy to get my head and heart around the idea of the girls maternal family being part of our family. In receiving this card from my husband's ex-wife's mother I realized that I was living the dream of emulating my Mother's kind heart through the instructive words of Mother Teresa, "The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway". It finally became clear to me that accepting their place in our family was not only the right thing to do, but it was possible to be kind without recognition or reward.
Doing what is right and being kind is a conscious choice we make. It is often easier to be mean. To tease someone. To use our jealousy or anger to justify speaking badly about others. To ignore the parts we wish would go away. It is in choosing to do what is right and what is kind, even if it isn't the easier route, that I am truly becoming my parents.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.