Independent Woman

I have had a job my entire adult life.  From my mid twenties to my mid thirties I was what one might call a "corporate ladder climber".  My career came first and was only ahead of furthering my education to ensure I had the pedigree to continue to climb that proverbial ladder.  For many years I held a corporate career, was a wife, and a mother.  I was the primary income for my household and took great pride in what I had achieved.  Many people would look at my life and say I lived ideal life of the modern independent woman.

This past summer I had an interesting conversation with a close friend.  I was telling her that my husband and I decided to rearrange my schedule so I could be available to be home with our children after they were done with school.  My girlfriend looked at me and said, "Are you sure this is what you want?  To loose your independence?  To put your career on the back burner?"  At first I got riled up.  I kept thinking, she was right that I was giving up way too much to make this work.  I was part of the elite few who brought home a six figure salary before turning thirty and I was still under forty.  I was giving up my ability to be who I had worked so hard to be, independent! 

As the school year got closer, I became nervous.  I started to resent the choice I had made to rearrange my work schedule.  I felt panicked and started to plan out how I would tell my husband that this wasn't what I had wanted and we would have to put the kids into after school care.  I was dreading this conversation as I knew we had already discussed this in depth and decided it was the right choice as we both feel our priorities should be God, spouse, children, parents, family .... everything else, including my career.  

Before I realized it the school year had started and I had not had the conversation about reducing my work schedule with my husband.  I don't know if it was nerves, or anxiety, or what but I never found quite the right moment to disappoint my husband.  The first day I was scheduled to pick up the kids I found myself watching the clock.  2:15, 2:16, 2:17 ..... 2:30 ... ugh I have to go leave or I will be late.  Driving to the girls school I found myself praying to God to give me the patience to deal with snack time, homework questions, crazy noises, silly songs, and the "what's for dinner" borage.  I sat in the parking lot watching my ipad waiting for the kids to arrive.  The first one out of the door was our Lovely Lindsey Lu.  She ran to the car, all smiles and excited to be going home and not to after school care.  Next followed our teenage daughter Brea and she was VERY happy not to be going to after school care.  Niki was the last girl to arrive and she easy going but was happy to be able to get home for a snack.  We drove to their brothers school to pick him up and he was so excited to see his sisters he squealed with delight!  He jumped all the way to the car with excitement.  

At home everyone was excited to tell me about their day.  What they had learned, what their friends had done over the summer, how much they liked their teachers, and what they were doing with their friends this year.  Snack time came and went without a fuss.  I made dinner while the kids did their homework and asked me questions about their homework.  What I had thought would be overwhelming and awful turned out to be one of the most rewarding and wonderful days.

That night after I tucked Thomas into bed and the girls went home to their mother's house I started to realize. The dictionary defines independence as "not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc., thinking or acting for oneself. Not dependent or contingent upon something else for existence".  To me this had meant I needed to be able to do it all on my own.  What I have come to realize is that true independence doesn't mean doing it all in spite of it all. Translation: by not working and focusing on my career I would lose my identity as an individual but rather that true independence is the ability to choose which one you want to do based on your guiding principals, your personal tenants, your morals and values.

It is in this time I realized that whether you work outside the home, or at home, you are contributing to the greater good of the world.  It is when the choice is taken away from us that we loose our independence.  Although my priorities had recently been refocused on my children and family, I was still independent, what I had learned to do was to be a good partner, a good team player.  In this I truly am becoming like my parents.